“No man is an island” by John Donne has been a phrase used plenty of times in relation to human beings needing a community to thrive in. It teaches the importance of offering support and encouragement and the emphasis that no human can be totally self-sufficient. While this is an easy reminder to keep in mind, for some of us, asking for help can be a struggle.
Feelings are complicated and invisible. They’re not physical things that we can untangle with step-by-step instructions. Similarly, for those who would like to offer help, especially our loved ones, we don’t come with a manual on how to approach the situation in the best way we can.
In recent studies, the effectiveness of family and peer support to those who are challenged with their mental health aims to understand that support leads to happier lives and alleviates mental health difficulties.
Both sides can only work together to give and accept help and ensure that we cultivate a space where anyone can find a safe space to express their emotions without shame and fear.
In this article, we gathered five things you can say to someone struggling with their mental health if you are unsure how to approach them.
- “You are not alone, I am here for you.”
This is a good opening for a message of assurance to anyone you know who is struggling with their emotions. Hopelessness is one of the greatest enemies of the mind when it comes to misunderstanding oneself in the midst of problems. Letting someone know that they are seen is a big step in showing that you are open to conversations anytime or that you are available to lend an ear.
However, keep in mind that for some, opening up does not come easily. Often, those you are trying to reach out to need to recognize their feelings first before they feel secure enough to speak out. If you do not receive a reply instantly, practice patience.
- “Are you looking for advice or just seeking someone to listen?”
Some people are scared of being judged, especially if they’re not accustomed to discussing their problems openly with those around them. Additionally, many of us bury our own issues because we’re familiar with this struggle ourselves. It often takes a deep conversation between individuals to find common ground.
This statement reflects a respect for our loved ones’ struggles. Words can only do so much, but shared silence can create a safe space where someone feels comfortable speaking out and releasing pent-up emotions.
The external pressures they face are already burdensome, and offering unsolicited advice to make them feel better may only add to their discomfort. Sensitivity to the similarities or differences in our experiences is crucial in all interactions. Asking for permission before interjecting your thoughts into the conversation demonstrates a commitment to listening and understanding more deeply.
- “You are loved and important to us.”
During tough times, the power of positive words for your loved one can serve as a beacon of light amid the swirling fog that surrounds them. It’s all too easy for them to internalize hurtful words and dwell on negative scenarios, leading to overthinking and a downward spiral of self-doubt. However, being the one to remind them of their worth and potential in their current situation can act as a guiding hand, pulling them back from the dark spaces they’ve confined themselves to.
Your role as a caring individual offers an outside perspective, enabling you to enumerate the positive attributes and strengths that you know your loved one possesses. By highlighting these qualities, you not only reaffirm their value but also provide them with a fresh lens through which to view themselves and their circumstances. Your words of encouragement and expressions of affection can serve as powerful antidotes to the self-critical thoughts that may be consuming them.
- “Let’s go out and take a walk.”
Walking is an activity that requires minimal preparation. All you need is yourself, a pair of good shoes, and someone to join you in enjoying nature while conversing about anything under the sun. Walking has numerous physical and mental health benefits, including improving cardiovascular health, increasing self-esteem, reducing stress, and lowering anxiety levels.
A visible sign of struggle with mental health is when your loved one prefers to stay inside their room. With less light and devoid of positive scenes and interactions, they may fail to recognize the small beautiful things the world has to offer.
This isolation can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and depression. By incorporating walking into your routine, even if it’s just for 10 minutes a day, you can reconnect with your loved one, appreciate the outdoors, and get the exercise you need.
- “I can help explore available treatments for you…”
When someone becomes muddled in their thoughts, they may only be able to focus on surviving day-to-day. As a family member or friend, it is important to recognize that some situations are best handled by professionals.
Treatments and therapy can sometimes be overwhelming, especially for someone seeking help for the first time. Therefore, it’s beneficial to educate yourself about the various studies and benefits of different treatments and demonstrate how they have helped individuals improve. Sharing these resources with your loved one can reassure them that they’re not alone.
For instance, you can start by referring to this article from Healthline about the most common reasons to see a therapist. It is also important to note that therapy is not only for those struggling with mental illness. Even individuals who consider themselves mentally healthy can benefit from speaking to a professional. Therapy provides an opportunity for personal growth and improvement, regardless of whether one is facing specific problems.
Yuko Nippoda, a psychotherapist and spokesperson for the UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP), emphasizes in an article from Patient that therapy can be beneficial even for those who simply want to make positive changes in their lives. By understanding and conveying these points, you can help your loved one feel more at ease and open to seeking professional help.
While all of these statements can be helpful when trying to support, it’s also important to recognize when it’s necessary to step back and allow professionals with experience to handle the situation. They’re equipped with the best tools and practices for the improvement of our loved one’s well-being. Our role may then shift to maintaining regular check-ins, asking how they are doing, and extending invitations to spend time together once they have sought proper help.
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References:
The health benefits of strong relationships, Harvard Medical School
Petersen, K. J., Qualter, P., Humphrey, N., Damsgaard, M. T., & Madsen, K. R. (2023, September 28). With a Little Help from My Friends: Profiles of Perceived Social Support and Their Associations with Adolescent Mental Health
Samari, E., Teh, W.L., Roystonn, K. et al. Perceived mental illness stigma among family and friends of young people with depression and its role in help-seeking: a qualitative inquiry. BMC Psychiatry 22, 107 (2022). https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-022-03754-0
Why Therapy? The Most Common Reasons to See a Therapist, Healthline
Can you have therapy if you don’t have a mental health problem?, Patient
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